Tuesday, November 17, 2015

What Am I Doing?

I had lunch with Jamie today, my friend from work. He was there the very first time I hit on Isabel. He asked about it.

"So, are you actually with that girl, the one from the club that night? The gorgeous one?" He was munching a sandwich but looking at me funny.

"Yeah. I guess you could say that. We see each other a couple times a week. Sometimes three."

Jamie doesn't say anything for a bit, then, "I heard she was lesbian, though."

"Who'd you hear that from?"

"Well, Sandi has a friend that knows her, or at least knows of her, and she's always dancing with girls and hanging with them. It seems she is sort of well known." (Sandi is Jamie's girlfriend).

"I can believe that. She's bi. She likes girls. I've met a couple of the girls she hangs with, Jen and Christina. I don't care, it's good." I was acting a little more confident than I felt.

"Ah, I got it. So is she, like... still seeing girls? Oh my god, have you had a threesome with her?" Jamie started getting excited at the sudden thought.

"No, no. So far she and I have just been spending time together."

"Damn. You gotta try and see if she will do a threesome with you. It's so cool you are with a bi girl, and letting her keep sleeping with girls."

I wasn't going to tell him I wasn't 'letting' her sleep with girls. I have no control over it. It isn't even discussed. I don't know who she sleeps with or when.

I just know she doesn't sleep with me very often.

Of course, that's exactly what Jamie wanted to know. "So how is she in bed? I mean, she is about the hottest bitch I've seen in a long time. I'm jealous of you."

"She's... " I hesitated, a subconscious glitch in my brain. I was thinking about the last time I fucked Isabel. I lost consciousness. Ugh.

"She's damn good. A little unusual, kinky, I would say. But amazing. Truly amazing."

"So... I guess Valerie is rather pissed about you dumping her for Isabel, though." Jamie was finishing his sandwich and really digging into my personal life.

"Well, I have to tell you the truth, Isabel found out that I was seeing Val, and... well, she demanded that we either be together, or not. Isabel is better than Valerie in a lot of ways. So yeah, it was time. I felt really bad about Val, though. She's a great girl."

And she fucked me regularly, unlike Isabel.

"Well, I'm glad you got a girlfriend." Jamie is a good friend, even if he is a little pushy at times.

"Me too. I like being committed to one girl."

I realized then I liked being committed to Isabel. It wasn't so much the idea of being committed to a girl, not any girl. It was that I loved Isabel and wanted to be hers. I was committed to her. It felt really weird, it's the first time in my life I've felt that way.

Yet, I also realized that I hadn't been completely truthful about what is going on with Isabel. It was like I was embarrassed about what I did with Isabel, about just how kinky things had gotten and how I let her run roughshod over me. It made me wonder if I was being honest with myself.

After work tonight I went to Isabel's house and cleaned her wood flooring. She had me strip down naked while I did it, because she said she didn't want me to ruin my clothes, and besides she liked looking at my body. That made me feel good.

I kept thinking about how committed I was to Isabel, how I had told Jamie that, and it felt good. I liked being in Isabel's presence, helping her, doing things for her, obeying her.

So when Isabel told me to come over and masturbate for her, and deposit my semen into a cup, I just sort of did it. She considered it a reward for working hard polishing her floors. I love being sexual for her, and doing what she asks me to do, sexually. So it was a little kinky; I've been really getting used to being kinky with her.

At least she wasn't choking me out.

Something weird though. I spent the entire evening at her place naked, and she was clothed. Things like that have stopped bothering me. I remember they used to. Things just work differently with Isabel.

I am still wondering what's happening to me, but whatever it is, I like it. No, that's not right. I don't really like it, but... I need it. I need Isabel.

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