She has ways of making me feel like a useless animal, lower than a dog. Certainly, I am treated in ways that no dog would ever be treated.
I try hard to accept, to simply obey and focus on nothing but Mistress Isabel, her desires, her pleasure, her comfort. My body is to be used by her in any way she pleases. I accepted this a long time ago and work every day to make it true in every sense.
I am nothing, less than nothing, unless I am giving Mistress pleasure and obeying her commands.
Mistress has recently decided I should be eating my own cum. Any orgasm I have, every time I ejaculate semen, it is to be saved and used. I am to recycle my cum for Mistress, under her supervision.
The advantage to this is that I do get to cum. I am not in chastity, and I have orgasms. The disadvantage is that I am consuming my own body fluids all the time now.
Frequently she will have me wear a condom when I am punished. I am always hard, of course, and when she punishes me I tend to get harder. When she whips me, or buggers me, or crushes my balls, it doesn't take much to tip me over the edge and emit semen.
Sometimes she will also demand that I simply masturbate for her, often on my hands and knees or some other submissive stance.
Either way, whenever I cum, I will cum into a condom. I must then wear the soiled condom until she is ready for me to eat my body fluid. She will then removed the condom from my penis, and orders me to raise my head, my face up.
The condom is then placed above me, and she squeezes the semen back out, running her fingers down the length to push the white fluid out into my mouth.
If she wants to be very thorough, I am ordered to take the condom into my mouth and suck it dry.
I've gotten used to the taste, I suppose, but the process is just humiliating.
Mistress says she does this because before I met her I demanded that women suck me off and that they swallow. She pointed out that every one of my girlfriends had swallowed my cum at some point in the past.
She is right. I did do that. My girlfriends would give me blow jobs, suck me off, and when I came, I would sometimes come on their face, and sometimes inside their mouth. I demanded they roll my cum around, show it to me in their wide open mouth, then swallow.
Now, Mistress is doing the same to me. Justice, she says.
I served them coffee, then sat down. Each of the women prepared their coffee the way they liked, with cream, or sugar, or black.
Mistress insisted that I have cream in mine. She took my cock in her hand while the group watched and made me ejaculate semen into my coffee. That was humiliating enough, especially in front of my sister. But then, she made me drink the coffee.
Val and Diane wouldn't look at me as I sat in the dining room, drinking my semen laced coffee.
Diane won't look at me in general. She doesn't recognize my existence any more. Val looks at me and laughs, usually. I was cruel to her, breaking up with her in order to be with Mistress Isabel, and now she sees me as a worthless slave. I've degraded myself, and she thanks heaven that she didn't stay with me. I am worthless.
For some time, Mistress has demanded that I eat my cum, and has even begun to demand that I do it as part of the masturbation process itself. In other words, that I consume my own cum as soon as it comes out of my penis.
In order to do this, I have learned the proper position, on my back and shoulders, hips high up in the air so my cock can position itself directly above my mouth.
It is difficult to cum in this position, but Mistress can force me to do it. She stimulates my penis until my muscles contract and I push out the semen, with spurts out and down. Mistress holds my penis and points it toward my mouth, which I keep open. The semen goes right in.
It also gets all over my face, because that is not a completely accurate method. But it's close.
However, Mistress wanted to see if I could get it all. This meant trying to give myself a true blow job, to actually bend over enough that I could take my cock into my own mouth.
This is incredibly hard, and it hurts. Mistress pushed down on my hips, and my back cramped but we managed to do it. I could only get the head of my cock into my mouth but that is enough to stimulate myself to ejaculate semen for Mistress.
I've eaten cock at Mistress's demand, several times. I hate it, I am not gay and I don't like cock in my mouth.
I don't even like my own cock in my mouth. It reminds me of other times when Mistress has forced me to engage in homosexual acts. It's humiliating, and it is topped off by gulping down my own sticky white body fluid when I finally cum inside my own mouth.
In recent weeks Mistress has also begun a ritual to save my semen. She does not force me to eat it right then, when I ejaculate. Instead, she milks my cock and I ejaculate into a cup or plate. At first I didn't know what she did with the semen, just that she kept it.
I don't know why, but ejaculating at Mistress's command for the purposes of milking semen out of me doesn't feel good. I mean, the orgasm feels good I suppose, but the process is so humiliating and I feel like I am just an animal being milked, like a cow. It takes much of the pleasure away.
Two weeks ago Mistress Isabel began milking me as much as possible. This meant three, four times a day. She would have me on all fours and jerk my cock until I spurted cum into a glass or plastic cup. This would be done once in the morning, and twice at night.
Mistress added an order for me to milk myself at noon each day, when she was away at work. I did this, and she would always expect a cup of semen in the fridge when she got home. If there wasn't enough of it, she beat my balls.
So, I've taken to trying to masturbate twice while she is at work. It makes it harder to cum in the evening when she comes home, though. Usually the last cum at night has nothing but a little clear liquid.
I discovered why she was doing this just last night.
She had taken my cum from three or four ejaculations a day, and filled a glass with it. A parfait glass, that was in the refrigerator. This kept the semen fairly fresh. It is biological material, of course, and can decay.
The cup of cum was gross. I knew at some point she was going to have me drink it, and I shuddered at the thought. But there was little I could do. She continued to fill the glass up with a little more semen every day.
Then one day she put the parfait glass with my semen into the freezer.
The last night she pulled it out. It had a stick frozen into the middle and when she turned it upside down the cumsicle slid right out.
She handed it to me, and told me to eat it.
It was the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten, and once I ate some of Mistress Isabel's shit. This was worse. It took longer, as I had to keep licking the frozen bar of body fluid, tasting each little bit over and over. It took half an hour or more before the cumsicle was gone.
Mistress watched as I licked my cumsicle, and laughed at me when I made a face. If I slowed down or stopped, she caned my ass, leaving huge red welts.
I ate the cumsicle all the way to the end, biting off the final frozen bits.
A half hour later I vomited it all up. It didn't make me that sick to my stomach, it was more just the thought of it, I think. Though it is possible that not all the semen was as fresh as it could have been.
Today she made me cum inside a condom one last time. She says I will go back into chastity after this. I've learned my lesson about making women eat my cum. I have, too. I would never, ever ask a woman to eat my cum again. The very thought, the very sight of semen makes me ill to the stomach now. In fact, I've become afraid of orgasms, because it means producing some of that body fluid, and I don't want to do that any more.
I welcome chastity. I find myself hoping she will keep it on for a long time, and looking forward to her beating my balls while my cock is caged.
I know I've become mentally ill. It doesn't matter. I can't tell what is normal any more. I am simply living my life, doing what I know I must do. I must service Mistress Isabel.